Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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