Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
