In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
