Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
jump out the window naked night went bad
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
