I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize