remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
