just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
