Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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