Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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