there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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