i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
