Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
