The maid of honor just puked.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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