I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
