I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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