At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
