You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
