I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
