pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
