with your own penis?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
