Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
no, he came in my armpit
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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