Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
