the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
