On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
