You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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