but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
