I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i think my cat just said my name.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
