does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
