I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Is Oprah even human
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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