Old men and throwing up are my life now.
im holly from the hills drunk
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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