HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
