please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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