apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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