I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
