"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
