My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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