I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
