oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
