sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
