seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
