There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
How external is "for external use only"?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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