What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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