Do you still have your period?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
