Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
