Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
