her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
