Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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