She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
