Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
