Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
