Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
