If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
