listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
