i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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