we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
