i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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