i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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