First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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