One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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