i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
