i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
