you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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