Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize