I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
