I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
