Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
