its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
