Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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