i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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