It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
