its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My balls are so social today.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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