How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
