I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
